Taupo and Tandems

So onwards from the putrid stench of Rotorua (even the sewage treatment plant in Twickenham that I worked at for 3 years didn’t smell as bad as Stinky Town) to Taupo. A laid back town situated on the shores of the massive volcanic Lake Taupo surrounded by beautiful rolling hills. We were here for a few nights again staying at another fantastically equipped campsite where we bumped into a couple of South Africans who we had met at our Orewa campsite – NZ is a small country with a well worn tourist route!

En route into Taupo we stopped for a picnic lunch at Huka Falls, a picturesque little stop where the natural change in rock funnels the river through a narrow channel about 200m long and 10m wide before it charges over the falls into the wider river amid a ranging torrent of foaming white water. After that we stopped at the Huka Honey Hive for some delectable and varied tastings of the local nectar in both sticky and liquid forms – honey beer and mead (wine) was also on the menu. Here we also learned that newly married couples were traditionally given enough honey mead for a month to ensure happiness and fertility in the future lives – hence the term honeymoon. Since we drank about a month’s worth of wine in France over the 2 day wedding extravaganza we felt that we were happy and fertile enough to carry on without purchasing any more….

The next day I had booked in to do my first skydive. This was to be a tandem jump from 15,000ft -high enough to see both east and west coast apparently – with about 30 seconds of freefall. I have to say in the build-up, watching the safety video, getting into my jumpsuit and harness etc I was remarkably calm and not filled with the kind of nervous trepidation that one should have before throwing themselves out of a perfectly good aeroplane. It was of a bizaar coincidence that I was sharing this jump with Cyrille a French guy only days before the England-France QF encounter who was working for Bouygues (the company I had just quit in Vancouver) in one of their Paris offices . I am proud to say that I was representing Queen and Country well by wearing my England shirt and feeling quietly confident that we would beat the French (how painfully wrong that turned out to be) so we had a bit of friendly banter about the upcoming contest. We were blessed with a glorious day and up in the plane the views over the lake and countryside were stunning.

Now for those of you who don’t know, tandem skydiving is not jumping out of a plane holding hands, it is a far more intimate affair than that. Effectively, you have another man (in my case the rather too unconcerned “I’ve done this a million times before” kiwi Cole) strapped to your back and waist. As we sat in the plane straddling the bench they had replaced the seats with, my time came. Still no nerves. The door went up and Cyrille was out first along with his camera man. Next up was me. At this point, I got a little nudge from behind. This is not a feeling I’m familiar with. It appeared that my skydive escort was hip-thrusting me towards the door with all the gusto of those desperate sheep molesters that we all like to joke about. Once a Kiwi, always a Kiwi I guess.

As I swung my legs out dangling into the turbulent air I looked out and saw the ground 15,000ft below. Still no nerves. We rocked back once, then a second time, then HOLY FUUUUUUUCK!!! My stomach shot to my mouth, the sheer speed of acceleration and wind buffeting took my breath away, literally, I couldn’t breathe, it was like being winded and I had this strange conflicting sensation of falling to my death whilst feeling like I was suffocating. After what seemed like a minute, but in reality was probably only a few seconds, I managed to suck in some air and regain some composure. The camera man who was jumping with us to record my terrifying moments for posterity was gesticulating at me to do something for the camera. I grinned as best I could and gave him my trade mark two thumbs salute, then reverted back to panic – I was out of breath and suffocating again. Another huge effort to suck in air and I was back on track. After that the adrenaline kicked in and I experienced this amazing buzz, an almost unfathomable overload of sensory feedback, cold temperature, rushing air buffeting me, loud white noise booming in my ears, wide-eyed dancing as I tried to take in everything below and around me at break-neck speed. I was free falling over this incredible vista on a glorious sunny day and after the initial shock I was loving it!

At 5000ft Cole deployed the chute and we arrested enough to properly take in the surroundings. At this point, Cole said to me “I’m just going to make you feel more comfortable, OK?”. Little did I know that this was his euphemism for “I’m going to make it feel like I’m unclipping you from my harness and you will feel like you’re about to be released to drop to your death”. Two pops and I dropped two inches. My heart stopped a moment, then we were all good as Cole maneuvered us in tightly swirling arcs down to the landing zone. When we hit terra firma I kissed the ground. Then I kissed my wife. Another experience ticked off the bucket list.